为什么亚洲父母从不说"我爱你"?

为什么亚洲父母从不说 "我爱你"?事实证明,这种现象不仅仅是 "言行不一 "那么简单。探讨使用 "我爱你"的文化差异;爱情、社会等级和权力动态 ;未来亚洲父母会更多地说 "我爱你"吗?

为什么亚洲父母从不说"我爱你"?

为什么亚洲父母从不说"我爱你"?

Kyattogallery
1天前(修改过)
My bf (from Japan) was confused when I said I love you so freely to him. I explained to him what my mom told me: “life is full of ups and downs and you never know what will happen. So I always want you to remember that I love you. Even if we fight or have struggles, when you’re sad or depressed, when you’re scared and alone. I want you to know that no matter what I love you..” He says “love you” now whenever he leaves the house.

当我对我的男朋友(日本人)说 "我爱你"时,他很困惑。我向他解释了我妈妈对我说的话: "人生充满坎坷,你永远不知道会发生什么。所以我希望你永远记住我爱你。即使我们争吵或挣扎,即使你悲伤或沮丧,即使你害怕和孤独。我想让你知道,无论如何,我爱你......" 他现在每次出门都会说 "爱你"。


Bariomdome
9小时前
Excuse me, but he sounds like a nerd from an anime

对不起,他听起来像动画片里的书呆子!


Abcdefg
1天前
I’m Chinese and my family expresses our love through acts of service (though not really with words). Making or buying food for someone is equivalent to saying “I love you.” Asking if someone is hungry is like asking, “How are you? Are you ok?” Asking someone if they’re full (after a meal) is like saying “So you’re ok now?” Even though we never explicitly say “I love you,” it is implied through acts of service (usually revolving around food!)

我是中国人,我的家人通过服务来表达我们的爱(虽然不是真的用语言)。为别人做饭或买食物就相当于说 "我爱你"。问别人饿不饿,就等于问 "你好吗?你还好吗?问某人是否吃饱了(饭后),就像在说 "你现在还好吗?" 尽管我们从未明确说过 "我爱你",但通过服务行为(通常与食物有关!),"我爱你"已经暗含其中。


Aerimychrry
1天前
I wouldn't say it's "fortunate". My parents rarely say I love you to me but I still know they do because actions speak louder than me and thet treat me very well, they respect my choices, they don't hit me or say horrible things like I hate you, they care about me... So I still consider myself lucky!!

我不会说这是 "幸运"。我的父母很少对我说 "我爱你",但我知道他们是爱我的,因为行动胜于雄辩,他们对我很好,他们尊重我的选择,不会打我,也不会说 "我恨你"之类的可怕的话,他们关心我...... 所以我仍然认为自己很幸运!


Supersix
1天前
We didn’t use to say it all the time.But one of my brothers died very young and nobody got to say goodbye to him, it was sudden.After that, every morning my mother would give me a hug in the morning before we both left for work.And every chance we would end a conversation on a good note and say I love you and goodbye.

我们以前并不常说这句话。但我的一个哥哥很早就去世了,没有人来得及跟他道别,这太突然了。从那以后,每天早上我母亲都会在我们俩去上班之前给我一个拥抱。一有机会,我们就会以美好的方式结束谈话,说我爱你和再见。


Because you never know what will happen.Growing up the saddest episode was of a tv show where a teenage girl said “I hate you” to her father and he left the house and died in a car crash.So I learned to always let my family know I love them And never walk away angry, always resolve things.

因为你永远不知道会发生什么。在我成长的过程中,最悲伤的情节是在一个电视节目中,一个十几岁的女孩对她父亲说 "我恨你",结果她父亲离家出走,死于车祸。所以我学会了永远让家人知道我爱他们,永远不要生气地离开,一定要解决问题。


Natlbg
1天前(修改过)
I have asian parents, I think that I never heard them say "I love you" once. My problem now is that I have no idea how to show affection other than services and helping. Just saying "I love you" seems so strange to me, it doesn't feel authentic when I try to say it. I know that my parents love me but I don't think we can express our feelings openly.

我的父母是亚洲人,我想我从来没有听他们说过一次 "我爱你"。我现在的问题是,除了服务和帮助,我不知道如何表达爱意。只是说 "我爱你"对我来说太奇怪了,当我试着说出来时,感觉并不真实。我知道我的父母爱我,但我觉得我们无法公开表达我们的感情。


Anny
1天前
I feel this so much, in my family we don't even say thank you very often, it's just implied through reciprocation of those acts of service. So I'm not sure an I love you would even be possible

我深有同感,在我的家庭中,我们甚至不常说谢谢,只是通过对这些服务行为的回报来暗示。因此,我不确定是否有可能说 "我爱你"。


Mmortalldre
1天前
If you're EA culture coded it's because thank you implies formality which equals distance. You can make a friend native to Korea/China and if you say thank you some will look at you funny or you'll never become close friends. Apologies if you knew this already but I feel a lot of diaspora don't and I wish their parents would explain since a lot are conflicted by caucasian norms.

如果你是东亚文化编码,那是因为 "谢谢"意味着正式,而正式意味着距离。你可以结交一个韩国/中国本地的朋友,但如果你说谢谢,有些人会用异样的眼光看你,或者你们永远不会成为亲密的朋友。如果你已经知道这一点,请原谅,但我觉得很多侨民都不知道,我希望他们的父母能解释一下,因为很多人都被白种人的规范所冲突。


WaffleSSS
4小时前
in my opinion saying the words cheapens love, the only time my parents and i say it to each other is when we havent seen each other for a long time or are going away for a long time. in everyday living, we express it through our actions and it is a given to us. i would like to believe your parents feel the same way, but the way they communicate makes it jarring since they grew up a probably a different culture to the one you grew up in with norms and expectations being very different.

在我看来,说这句话贬低了爱,我和父母唯一一次对彼此说这句话是在我们很久没有见面或要离开很长一段时间的时候。在日常生活中,我们通过我们的行为来表达它,它是我们与生俱来的。我想相信你的父母也有同样的感觉,但是他们交流的方式让这种感觉不和谐,因为他们成长的文化可能与你成长的文化不同,规范和期望非常不同。


Tom-ahawk
1天前
No judgement ever. I get it. But for me, saying I love you to my mom and girlfriend daily are things that bring me through the day. It genuinely feels good and never feels like it loses meaning. In some cases it is downright healing to my mental state.

绝不评判,我明白。但对我来说,每天对妈妈和女朋友说 "我爱你"是让我度过每一天的动力。这种感觉真的很好,而且永远不会觉得失去意义。在某些情况下,它甚至能治愈我的精神状态。


WesternCommie
1天前
Something I've noticed about the "I love you" thing from the west, is that sometimes you just don't know if you will see the person again. Someone could pass because of an accident and whatever you said last is the thing you'll remember. Saying "I love you" to someone could bring peace of mind...

我注意到,西方人说 "我爱你"时,有时不知道还能不能再见到对方。有人可能会因为意外去世,而你最后说的那句话却会让你记忆犹新。对某人说 "我爱你"可以让人心安...


Averyc
1天前
Yeah I had a roommate who would call her mom, her dad, her brother, and her boyfriend every night just to say "I love you" because she was terrified of one of them passing away

我有一个室友,她每天晚上都会打电话给她的妈妈、爸爸、哥哥和男朋友,只为说一句 "我爱你",因为她害怕他们中的一个人去世。


Pepedust
1天前
I never understood how in asian culture, caring for others is very important when on the other hand it's not natural to show love to your own relatives. I feel like it's easier for you to say when people do bad stuff than congratulate when something good is done. If showing love is cringe, no wonder why so many feel sad, abandoned or have trouble expressing positive feelings. Btw I don't say that in a mean way, it's just a logical observation.

我一直不明白,在亚洲文化中,关心他人是非常重要的,但另一方面,对自己的亲人表达爱意却不是很自然。我觉得,对你来说,当别人做了坏事时说出来比做好事时祝贺更容易。如果表达爱是一件令人讨厌的事,那就难怪会有那么多人感到悲伤、被遗弃或难以表达积极的情感了。顺便说一下,我这么说并没有恶意,这只是一个逻辑观察。


Anastasiaro
1天前
I’m Russian and that is exactly the case. My grandma and I never expressed our love for each other verbally. She was battling cancer and i was visiting her on my spring break in college and randomly decided to say “i love you” when i was leaving her. She passed 3 days later and to this day i’m happy that the last thing i said to her were these 3 words.

我是俄罗斯人,情况正是如此。我和外婆从未在口头上表达过对对方的爱。她正在与癌症作斗争,我在大学放春假的时候去看她,在离开她的时候,我突然决定说 "我爱你"。三天后她去世了,直到今天我都很高兴,因为我对她说的最后一句话就是这三个字。


I’m terrified of losing someone without them knowing how much they mean to me. There’s not a single conversation with my mom or my stepdad that doesn’t finish with “i love you” and “i miss you”

我很害怕失去一个人,却不知道他对我有多重要。我和妈妈或继父的谈话没有一次不是以 "我爱你"和 "我想你"结束的。


Resorufin
1天前(修改过)
Some real problems happen when some toxic Chinese parents not only refuse to say ‘I love you’, but also explicitly and constantly say ‘I hate you’ or ‘you are such a bad/disobedient kid compared to the child of my friend’. Their assertion of dominance in the confucian society in this way can have very profound impact on their children’s psychological development. Their children can become very depressed in their childhood, and sarcastically, when the children grow up, they will repeat this to their own children and then this ideology passes on from generation to generation

当一些有毒的中国父母不仅拒绝说 "我爱你",而且还明确地不断说 "我恨你"或 "和我朋友的孩子相比,你真是个不听话的坏孩子"时,真正的问题就出现了。他们这种在儒教社会中的主导地位会对子女的心理发展产生非常深远的影响。他们的孩子会在童年时期变得非常压抑,而当孩子长大后,他们会讽刺地对自己的孩子重复这种说法,然后这种思想就会代代相传。


Dordord
1天前(修改过)
What's wrong with you?Keeping saying i love you IS a problem.Anglo-Saxons has the loudest voice on the world stage doesn't automatically mean their habits are right, are laws to follow

你怎么了?一直说我爱你是个问题。盎格鲁-撒克逊人在世界舞台上的声音最大并不意味着他们的习惯是正确的,是可以遵循的法律


Keanuxu
1天前
Heehee. The exactly opposite problem of this video, going from the lack of “I love you” to the commodification of “I love you”, making the phrase meaningless.

嘻嘻。这段视频的问题恰恰相反,从“我爱你”的缺失到“我爱你”的商品化,使这句话变得毫无意义。


Jennysarchival
1天前
I recently had a big fight with my mom about this. I'm a first generation Chinese immigrant in Germany and even though my parents are more open with their affection than other Chinese parents it still always bothered me how they would say such hurtful words during fights and just pretend nothing happened after a while (not a even an act of apology). My birthday was recently and my parents neither called nor texted me on my birthday. I kinda expected it but it still hurt.

最近我和妈妈为此大吵了一架。我是第一代移民到德国的中国人,虽然我的父母在感情方面比其他中国父母更开放,但他们在吵架时说的那些伤人的话还是让我很困扰,过了一会儿就装作什么都没发生(甚至连道歉的动作都没有)。我最近过生日,父母在我生日那天既没打电话也没发短信。这在我的意料之中,但我还是很伤心。


The following weekend was my birthday party and my parents cooked a huge Chinese buffet for my friends and I. The party was great but I just couldn't shake off the heavy heart of my parents not saying "Happy birthday" even once. The feeling persisted for a week and I finally decided to call my mom and tell her how much it bothered me and my mom was understanding at first but then got angry at how ungrateful I was.

接下来的周末是我的生日派对,父母为我和朋友们做了一顿丰盛的中式自助餐。派对很棒,但我就是无法摆脱父母连一句 "生日快乐"都不说的沉重心情。这种感觉持续了一个星期,最后我决定给妈妈打电话,告诉她这让我很烦恼,妈妈一开始很理解我,但后来对我的不孝很生气。


Don't get me wrong I'm super grateful that they did the party for me but I also told her "You could have saved 100€ and just texted me happy birthday and I would have been twice as happy". Then a fight broke out and she insulted me a few times. We kinda talked it out and after the call she texted me "Mom and dad will forever love you, remember that". I just felt instantly how this one message healed every crack in my heart.

别误会我的意思,我非常感谢他们为我办了这个派对,但我也对她说:"你本可以省下 100 欧元,直接发短信告诉我生日快乐,这样我会加倍高兴的。"后来我们吵了起来,她还侮辱了我几句。我们算是把话说开了,通话结束后,她给我发了一条短信:"爸爸妈妈永远爱你,记住这一点"。我顿时觉得这一条短信抚平了我心中的每一道裂痕。


Sometimes I wish I didn't have such a western mindset since my parents do so many acts of services but I hate how they always insult me (weight related and high expectations) and just throw money at me to shrug it off. Maybe it's my immaturity I don't know. Over the years I've learned to deal with their way of showing affection and my parents have learned to say that they do in fact love me sometimes. I guess it's a learning process for us all.

有时候,我真希望自己不要有这样的西方思维,因为我的父母做了那么多的服务行为,但我讨厌他们总是侮辱我(与体重和高期望值有关),只是把钱扔给我,让我甩手不管。也许是我还不成熟,我不知道。这些年来,我已经学会了如何对待他们表达爱意的方式,我的父母也学会了有时说他们其实是爱我的。我想这对我们来说都是一个学习的过程。


Plantjournalentries
1天前(修改过)
also wanted to add that it does justice to asian culture's depth, and it "humanized" Asian culture in a Eurocentric world by breaking it down where certain seemingly buzzard actions are coming from.

我还想补充一点,它很好地诠释了亚洲文化的深度,在一个以欧洲为中心的世界里,它通过分解某些看似庸俗的行为的来源,使亚洲文化 "人性化"。


Polyblank
1天前(修改过)
In my country (Poland) "I love you" is reserved more for romantic love, parents expressing love for their child would be more like... praising them? "You're such a good and talented kid and your interests are epic" is much less awkward than "I love you" when my mum says it.

在我的国家(波兰),"我爱你"更多用于浪漫之爱,父母表达对孩子的爱更像是......赞美他们?"你真是个有天分的好孩子,你的兴趣爱好也很广泛。"我妈妈说这句话的时候,就没有 "我爱你"那么尴尬了。


Of course there are families where this phrase is very common, but overall I've never heard any parent tell their kid "I love you", ESPECIALLY in public. I think that if I said to my family "I love you" outta nowhere they'd be worried about my mental health lmao

当然,在有些家庭里,这句话很常见,但总的来说,我从没听过哪个父母对自己的孩子说 "我爱你",尤其是在公共场合。我想,如果我突然对家人说 "我爱你",他们一定会担心我的心理健康。


TaniaRocha
1天前
Yeah, Portugal here and "I love you" is usually reserved for romantic love. If parents express love verbally it's via "I am so proud of you having done X" or "I really like X thing about you" or "I feel lucky to be your parent" or other things like this. In writing, we may write "I like you very much" (or in special days we may say it), which does not sound childish like in English, but serious and reserved to your family and closest friends.

是的,在葡萄牙,"我爱你"通常是指浪漫的爱。如果父母口头表达爱意,则会说 "我为你做了 X 件事而感到骄傲"或 "我非常喜欢你的 X 件事"或 "我为能成为你的父母而感到幸运"或其他类似的话。在书面上,我们可以写 "我非常喜欢你"(或在特殊的日子里说出来),这听起来不像英语那么幼稚,而是对家人和最亲密的朋友的严肃和保留。


Michaeladu
1天前
I'm from Ghana and this all feels so relatable. Saying 'I love you' sort of feels like a really powerful thing than you say anyhow. Saying you love someone is only ever used on a few rare occasions, usually between couples and in church when we say "Jesus loves you."

我来自加纳,感觉这一切都很贴近生活。无论如何,说 "我爱你"都像是一件非常有力量的事情。说 "我爱你"只有在极少数场合才会用到,通常是在情侣之间和教堂里,我们会说 "耶稣爱你"。


Xiphoid
1天前
I think many Asian parents instill more fear than love in their children. I think it may have something to do with ensuring that we don't become "soft" or uncompetitive. My parents never said they love me or good job. Even when I won at national competition and got full college scholarship, they still didn't say that. It's just gave me more assignments, yelling, beating, ensuring that I stayed on track and became successful.

我认为许多亚洲父母给孩子灌输的恐惧多于爱。我认为这可能与确保我们不会变得 "软弱 "或缺乏竞争力有关。我的父母从来没有说过他们爱我或爱我的工作。即使我在全国比赛中获奖,拿到了大学全额奖学金,他们也没说过。他们只是给我布置更多的作业,吼我,打我,确保我按部就班,取得成功。


Autoteleology
1天前
I disowned my parents for less, ask yourself if they really serve any value to you or if what you really stay attached to them for is the idea of what a parent should be and that you're still holding onto them because letting go would require acceptance of that lack of fulfillment

扪心自问,他们是否真的对你有任何价值,或者你对他们的留恋是否真的是为了父母应该是什么样的人,而你还在抓住他们不放,因为放手就需要接受这种缺乏成就感的事实。


Mothercat
1天前
It’s core in our culture that action speaks louder than words, and sometimes you need words to reach the extra depth when needed. I think ideally there’s a good balance that can be achieved, though the “balance” might not be 50/50. Coming from a fully Chinese family, my parents have never said I love you in front of me, but i never doubted their relationship because of what they do for each other, because I think that’s their “balance”.

在我们的文化中,行动胜于雄辩是核心理念,有时你需要语言来达到需要的深度。我认为,理想情况下,可以实现很好的平衡,尽管 "平衡"可能不是各占一半。我来自一个完全中国化的家庭,我的父母从未在我面前说过我爱你,但我从未因为他们为彼此所做的一切而怀疑过他们之间的关系,因为我认为这就是他们的 "平衡"。


Also reminded of an interesting contrast. In my culture, if people say “sorry” in English, it can sound insincere. But the time my mom said sorry to me in mandarin, it weighs so much heavier and whatever mistake she made, i immediately forgave her.

我还想到了一个有趣的对比。在我的文化中,如果人们用英语说 "对不起",听起来会很不真诚。但当我妈妈用普通话对我说 "对不起 "时,这句话的分量就重多了,无论她犯了什么错,我都会立刻原谅她。
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